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I am urgently looking for a family law attorney who can help me with a dispute between me and my ex-partner that we cannot resolve together. I am 30 years old and mother of a son and a daughter (4.5 yrs. 3 yrs.). Their father and I have been separated for a year now. Now, for almost a year, I have been very happily in a new relationship with a man who lives in Germany. We have the desire to live together in Germany, not in Rotterdam, for two reasons. First, my friend has a steady job in higher education and has built his own practice as a psychiatrist. Secondly, he has custody of his severely mentally handicapped sister, who has no family other than their father (who has health problems). These weighty reasons have made us decide that our only possibility to live together would be if I came to Germany. I would like to move the children with me and let them go to school there as of September. My ex-partner and I have joint custody of the children and currently each take on approximately half of the care. He won't give me permission to move with the children. I suggested that we talk to a mediator, which we did several times, without much result. I try to accommodate him as much as possible in the preparations for a possible move, I have offered to talk to a child psychologist, but unfortunately he refuses to cooperate. What I was dreading most, that this problem would have to develop into a lawsuit, is unfortunately starting to become a reality. It saddens me greatly to have to take this step, but I see no other way. We cannot get out of this together. When my ex chose to leave the family a year ago, I cooperated as much as possible to ensure that this huge change went as smoothly as possible for the children. Because we as parents continued to communicate and work together well, our daughters have come through/are coming through relatively well. I would have liked so much to have his cooperation in this change that I am proposing, but unfortunately this is not the case. What I find very important is that I find a lawyer who understands my story and is convinced of the feasibility of my goal. An important argument for me that I would like to emphasize is that once I live in Germany, I will be able to be there for the children every day when they come home from school. Something that is not feasible for my ex-partner on his own. He will have to fall back on care by third parties because of his work, while I can be very flexible in this. My children have built a very good relationship with my boyfriend. A few days ago my son even suggested to him that we could possibly move in with him. This shows how comfortable they feel with him. I would like to mention that I have of course not yet spoken to my children about our plans. We have now found a home that is particularly child-friendly (located) and also has a school nearby that can actively contribute to a smooth adjustment period (and where both parents are also welcome at the school without any restrictions). I am looking for a lawyer who shares my view that if a mother is given the opportunity to build a new life in which she feels happy, this has a tremendously positive impact on the children's state of mind. I want the best for my children, and that means I want to feel happy, for them too. Furthermore, I am curious whether a move during the summer holidays and a start in the coming new school year is a feasible goal in view of the remaining time. I would like to know your opinion on this. Thank you in advance for your response and perhaps see you again.

Lawyer

Dear Madam, The tricky part is that you have joint custody of the children and therefore you need permission from the other parent. There have been various rulings in which all kinds of circumstances play a role. One of them is that the visitation arrangement can be carried out. It depends on the distance between your future place of residence in Germany and the place of residence of the man. It also depends on the age of the children, It is therefore not possible to indicate in general terms when the judge will or will not grant substitute consent. It depends on the specific circumstances of the case. However, it can be stated that particularly important factors in the judge's balancing of interests are: good contact and contact possibilities after the move, a sufficiently weighty interest of the parent in the move (principle of proportionality), the impossibility of meeting that interest in another way (principle of subsidiarity), good and timely preparation of the move, the age of the children, the future prospects and the distances to be bridged. It seems that a procedure is inevitable. However, in the procedure there is the possibility of mediation in addition to legal proceedings. Experience shows that the 'man' in the courtroom does give his consent to this.

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