Help with financial problems in elderly care

Questioner

I am in a bad situation that makes me desperate. The following is the case: My very elderly parents have had an intensive relationship with my sister for years, which I wish both parties with love. Financially there is also an intensive dependency from her to them. She transfers a lot of money to herself from our parents' bank account, approved by my mother according to her. Congratulations, it's fine with me. But now that our parents can no longer take care of themselves and can no longer handle their administrative affairs independently, the question has come from the environment such as home care etc. about an authorized representative. General and financial. I approached my sister about this, who told me that she cannot be one because of her social assistance benefit. My parents are quite well-off and a power of attorney for my sister, coupled with the authorization to be able to dispose of that wealth from our parents, would cause her problems with the social assistance providers. Since March 1st, I have been authorized to ensure that our parents' affairs run smoothly... tax returns, all sorts of things of course... our parents can no longer do anything. Unfortunately, I am now faced with a refusal by my sister to make the bank card that was issued privately by my mother at the time and her access to ING banking accessible to me in any case. TAN codes and such in order to be able to carry out the necessary changes to, for example, stop automatic collection orders that are no longer relevant. Finally I did talk to my still lucid mother and she told me that she would tell my sister to give me the TAN codes, to give me access. And she did indeed call her directly to give me access to the banking. My sister's message comes back hard that she's not going to do it. This is so unreal. What should a person do in such a case? I am struggling, I can't do much with a power of attorney that is being obstructed while there are many outstanding administrative matters. Should I play hardball? And position my mother in the war violence again? My sister is all-powerful and manipulative. But in the meantime, all sorts of things have to happen. I think my sister is afraid that I'm going to cut off her cash flow and that's not the intention at all.. Is there anyone who can advise me? I have no idea what to do now…. The tension, hostility, is already too intense, I would like to solve it without a violent war. What are the rights, what is wisdom?

Lawyer

Indeed, an unpleasant situation that you describe. In my opinion, there are two things at stake, namely the current affairs that are now apparently at a standstill. As I understand it, your sister does not have her own access to your parents' banking affairs, but everything is run in your parents' name and she has a card and codes. The most obvious solution is to have the bank block that card and those codes and have your parents issued new cards and codes. This will at least allow the current affairs to be dealt with. Then I think it is good - and in my opinion even necessary - that an honest and open conversation follows between you and your sister in which the mutual interests are made clear and intentions can be made clear. If you would like to have such a conversation under the guidance of a third party, please feel free to contact me.

Lawyer

What I also don't understand here is that your sister received financial support from her parents, but is not allowed to be an authorized representative given her social assistance benefits. Of course, she had to report her parents' financial support to the social insurance bank. A gift to live on is an income that is deducted from the benefit. As an authorized representative, you can simply go to the bank to request new cards and codes, of course.