Advice on financial abuse of your mother

Questioner

I'm writing to you even though I don't really know how to start. It's all about my mother. My mother is now over 80 and lives alone because my father passed away seven years ago, and I've been living abroad for 27 years. My mother lives in a canal house. Before my father died, my brother, at my father's request, took over the first floor for a nominal sum to help my mother when needed (my sister refused to take this step at the time). Unfortunately, it quickly became clear that my brother and sister-in-law would offer little help. There were often tensions. When my parents needed help, they had to repeat it many times, and often, in the end, my parents either tried to resolve the matter themselves or asked me when I would be in the Netherlands. Shortly before his death, my father told me that he had made a huge mistake by taking my brother into his home. Despite this situation, my parents never wanted me or my sister to confront my brother about this. My father left a will when he died, specifically stipulating that only his three children, without their dependents, would inherit the assets (including the house), even if there were a prenuptial agreement. However, we will only inherit after my mother's death. When my father died seven years ago, it was a huge blow to my mother. She didn't want anything anymore: she didn't want to eat, she didn't want to go out, she didn't want to meet people, she cried a lot, and so on. In this situation, my brother told my mother he would take care of the paperwork and payments for her (my mother knows nothing about computers, let alone home banking), and it seemed the logical choice. My mother was perfectly fine with it all because she really didn't care anymore. My parents had some savings divided into two parts in a savings account, and my father had set aside €10,000 for his funeral. The first part was released six months after my father's death, and the bank, following my brother's instructions, transferred it to my mother's bank account. At one point, my mother was having a lot of trouble with her teeth and was in a lot of pain. So I advised her to go to the dentist. The dental bill was over €5,000, and my mother had to pay it. My brother then verbally assaulted her because, according to him, my mother had no money at all to pay for the dentist. And when my mother called me in a panic, I told her she had savings that had been released. But my brother told my mother that all the money had been spent on the funeral. I knew this wasn't true because my brother and I had signed the funeral invoice. Unfortunately, I didn't have a copy of the invoice. My mother refused to believe me or my sister, and this was just the beginning of a series of instances where my mother was told (often in an intimidating and aggressive manner) that she didn't have the money. My mother receives a good pension that allows her to live comfortably. But every month, her bank account goes overdrawn. The only way my mother can find out her balance is to call the bank and ask for it. For years, my mother refused to know that my brother was spending her money, and for years, we (my sister and I) tried to get her to go to the bank to look at the statements because my brother never kept her informed or showed her any payments or transfers. And every time I came to the Netherlands, I had to promise her not to say anything to my brother or sister-in-law. Because she'd always say, "You'll go back abroad, and then I'll be alone with those two, and they'll verbally attack me again." My mother was simply afraid of them. In the meantime, my brother has spent everything (including the second installment of his savings). My mother and I went to the bank last August and discovered there was nothing left. The bank advised me to consult a legal aid office and also to report the financial abuse. But even now, my mother doesn't want her son to get into trouble by suing him. My brother has since discovered that we requested information from the bank. And now he won't speak to my mother or me anymore. He's blocked my phone number and email address. But he still has full access to all my mother's money (more than my mother herself) and other things. My mother had finally decided to take things away from my brother, and I helped my mother apply for her own DigiD. But now my brother has applied for a new DigiD for my mother and intercepted the letter with the activation codes, so now we can no longer access my mother's data for anything. The big problem remains my mother, who absolutely does not want us to report my brother to the authorities. Could you perhaps advise us on what we can/should do now to help my mother, and later, when my mother is no longer around, how can my sister and I protect each other from my brother's wrongful appropriation of my father's inheritance? yours sincerely

Questioner

Sorry for the late reply, your questions had wandered into my inbox. There are a number of possibilities, but by far the easiest way to solve this obstacle is as follows: Article 4:3 BW paragraph 1 under b, states that even simple theft of the deceased's property leads to unworthiness. It is expressly stipulated that the unworthiness takes effect automatically. This unworthiness only lapses if the testator has unequivocally forgiven the unworthy person for their actions.

Questioner

Here's another clarifying quote from Mr. Dr. MR Kremer: "The law allows for unworthiness to take effect automatically. The judge will, if necessary, determine the unworthiness ex officio, but this can, of course, also be done at the request of an interested party."