Advice on Divorce and Alimony | Legal Aid

Questioner

Case: On July 18, 2012, the divorce was pronounced. In the run-up to it, the covenant and parenting plan were drawn up with the help of a divorce broker. All of this happened in reasonably good harmony, whereby in retrospect I made too many concessions because I wanted to get it over with quickly. Before the judge's ruling, I no longer lived 'at home', but have lived elsewhere since 28 October 2011. After the divorce I learned that my ex-partner had started a relationship with another man. This relationship ended, but early September 2012 I learned that he had started a new relationship that continues to this day. My ex-partner describes this relationship as pleasant and has expressed the intention that if the relationship continues to develop in the positive way that it does, a marriage or another form of sustainable cohabitation will be a possibility in mid-August 2013. The children currently live with their mother and are with me every Tuesday night and every other weekend (Friday to Monday morning). They are now also confronted with their mother's new boyfriend. From conversations with my children it is clear that they want to be with me more often. Following this case, I have the following questions on which I would like to seek advice: With regard to my ex-partner: - The ex-partner now receives alimony from me that we agreed upon at the time, based on the lifestyle at the time. This is considerably higher than is required based on income. Now that my ex's boyfriend is very often present, eats, sleeps, and helps with the daily routine, I want to get rid of the alimony. My ex himself speaks of a 'pleasant relationship'. I can only conclude that the boyfriend lives off my contribution to alimony. What should I do to stop this / adjust it / cast it in a different form? My ex-partner has indicated that he does not want to cooperate with this and wants to fully maintain the agreements in the covenant. - When is there a relationship that causes spousal support to lapse? Is this already the case in the current situation: woman and man formally live apart, but live together for a large part of the week. - My ex-partner works 20 hours a week, the children are 14 and 16 years old. I myself work 40 hours a week and often have overtime. The spousal support is calculated on my income and hers on the basis of 20 hours. Can she be forced to work a whole week, so that the spousal support can be cancelled or at least recalculated? If there is a job application obligation, what is a reasonable period? With regard to child support: - There is no need for discussion about the amount of this sum of money. Even though it is also considerably higher than the standard you use or the Trema standard. My children will receive this. What I do want is transparency. I want to know clearly what this money is spent on and if there is money left in a month, it is deposited into the children's savings accounts. Question: can I divide the child support into parts myself and pay it that way? Can I take on payments myself (such as clothing allowance) and then deduct them from the amount to be transferred? Can I demand that my ex-partner keeps receipts, makes overviews of expenses, etc.? With regard to the parenting plan: - Given the current situation, I want to switch to co-parenting. Question: can I just do this? What needs to change in the agreement or parenting plan? What impact does this have on child support and division between my ex-partner and me? With regard to the covenant: - If changes need to be made or if I have to make changes unilaterally, is going to court necessary?

Lawyer

Dear questioner, I will formulate an answer per dash: dash 1) This question cannot be answered without the covenant. For example, it may contain something about a non-modification clause, principles and the way in which agreements are recorded and why. In principle, an agreement is binding and you will have to comply with it. dash 2) The covenant may say something about this, but if it does not say anything, then there must be a situation in which your ex and her partner live together as if they were married. You usually have a hard time taking that hurdle. The burden of proof lies with you. A first requirement is (formal) cohabitation. dash 3) The starting points are decisive. Not what you think your ex should do. In principle, your ex should fight her need as much as possible herself, but the marital well-being is also decisive. That also has to do with the bond of fate that marriage carries within it. That has a lag effect. dash 4) No. You cannot determine that. You are not the custodial parent but the parent with an obligation to pay. If you have reason to believe that your ex is abusing the child support, then you are in the sphere of exercising parental authority and you will have to undermine that. Your ex is further free to use the contribution as she wishes, provided it is in the interest of the children. If a savings component was discussed in advance, then you should be able to see it, but it does not go any further than that. dash 5) The parenting plan can only be changed in consultation or in the event of a change in circumstances. If there is no such change, your request to the court will not be successful. In co-parenting, many people think that child support will be discontinued. Everyone pays the same amount. There is also another idea that says that the highest earner supplements the children's needs to the amount that exceeds the other parent's ability to pay. dash 6) In the case of mutual consultation, no, in the case of a situation without consent, you must go to court. General: You have very serious questions that cannot be answered in general. You should actually take your file to a lawyer to have the case assessed further on a customized basis. You can consult the lawyer you had during the divorce. You can also call the legal desk 0900-8020 if you qualify for it. This is a lawyer who works on the basis of legal aid. You can also email me directly for more information. Good luck with your case and choice.